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This month I'm going to shake things up a bit.  If you are looking for a Story Starter idea that is tied specifically to this month, please check the archives for this column.  If you are here because I offer you inspiration for journaling and scrapbooking, read on!

1. Things That Don't Work Right

My wonderful husband came home with two shopping bags and a big grin on his face.

"Wait 'til you see this," he said. I noted with disappointment that the bags were printed with photos of people using telephones. Definitely not the pink and white stripe of Victoria's Secret. Sigh.

He proceeded to cover the entire kitchen table and most of the counter with a phone system. There were stands and handsets and cords and a complicated master set with loads of buttons and tiny, tiny words that I can no longer read without glasses.

Next he moved from room to room and "installed" our new system.

"Carries two lines, announces incoming calls, works as an intercom, puts callers on hold and," he ramped up for the final crescendo, "you can use any handset in any room." Then he led me on a guided tour of where he'd put the phone systems-one in the kitchen, master bedroom, and computer room. Quickly I realized, the phones would be wherever I was - sleeping, cooking or working. No phone would invade the sacred space of the guys in the house…not one black contraption was set up in the television room upstairs or by the big screen television downstairs.

Oh, but I'm whining a bit. It's a great system, really it is. Now I can be interrupted in every activity of my life. I can also search for handsets in every room and under every piece of furniture. I can pick up a handset and discover that one of my men folk has set it for an obscure function such as hold forever, block that call or volume too low to hear. While I punch buttons and grab for glasses to read the fine print, my caller gives up. When I'm on the phone, my whole family can listen in. Whoopee.

Yesterday I followed the lure of the ringing phone and snatched up two handsets at once only to discover that the batteries were dead in each. By the time I vaulted over the dog gate, jumped two pairs of basketball shoes as big as small mobile homes, and skidded to a halt, the caller had hung up.

Journaling & Page Idea:

I may be missing calls, but I'm getting a great cardio-vascular workout. Now all I need to do is create a scrapbook page that shows the evolution of the phone in my life. From big, black and rotary to featherweight, handheld and tiny buttons. Ain't progress grand?

2. Let Me Tell You about My Mammogram-PUHleeese!

My local hospital has gone through another growth spurt. I marched up to the suite where I've always gotten my mammograms and found a sign: Mammography Department has moved to the East Building. When I asked for directions, the security guard looked me over and said, "First, find your car. Then drive…." Great, I was in the mood for being inconvenienced before submitting myself to physical pain.

Mammograms are a lot like going to the dentist. You don't schedule these trips for fun. In fact, I usually schedule a bikini waxing for the afternoon of my mammogram morning. I figure, if I'm going to spend a day in agony, might as well put both ends out of commission. Besides, mammograms and bikini waxing have a lot in common; you are soooooo thankful when they are done that you blubber with appreciation. My mammograms have never hurt before, but this time, I gasped in pain as the technician tightened the vise. (Just kidding, it only looks and feels like a vise. It's actually a very expensive piece of equipment. Or so they say.) As a downcast group of us waited for the okay to leave, we struck up a conversation and all the other women agreed, these new machines in the East Building might be state-of-the-art, but they were also sadistic.

Later in the car, I heard an author on NPR talking about how sports medicine has changed over the years. Once upon a time, if a pitcher had a chronically sore arm, the team doctor pulled his teeth. The teeth were suspected of putting poison into the body. The toxins then attacked the arm, or so they thought.

Obviously, they don't treat pitchers' arms that way today. I wonder if my granddaughter will have to undergo a painful mammogram in the future. I doubt it. I bet new technology will replace what I endured this week with a detection system less irksome and more accurate. But, next year I'll still be trooping to the East Building for my yearly mammogram. Yes, this year it hurt. But only for less than 60 seconds a side. When I compare that temporary ouch to the pain of leaving my family, my world and my life early, I'll take the squeeze, thank you.

Journaling & Page Idea:

I need to scrapbook or journal what healthcare is like today-pap smears, mammograms, blood tests, eye exams, rectal exams, flu shots, well woman visits--so that the future generations can appreciate how medicine is advancing. I need to write somewhere what I told my son, "Yeah, I hate it, but I do it because I love you. Part of being a responsible person is doing what I must to stay healthy. It's one way I show you I love you."

I'm just so lucky that all I've had to fuss about is that small pinch once a year. I pray for all of you that you are as fortunate, too.

--Joanna

Joanna's new book Adventures in Journaling is available in stores now! Look for it at your local scrapbook retailer or at my-memories.net.